Sunday, 26 August 2012

Gag Sunday

Like Ski Sunday. But with gags.

‘I was only counting how many revolutions there have been — & now I’m accused of counter-revolutionary activity!’

Today’s story is about a Graduation Ceremony official who takes the Cantab PhD robes & gives them to those who have never earned any kind of degree: ‘Robing Hood’.

#AltRockPhilosophy ‘I think therefore I Gram Parsons’

I need to accentuate the positive. Like this: ‘thê pöšítïvę’.

‘God Vibrations’; ‘Ka-Ka-Ka Ka-Ka-Koran’; ‘I Wish They All Could Be Kali-worshipping Girls’; ‘Sufi USA’ #BeachBoysReligions

Today I’m going to retell Paradise Lost using random pop songs. I seek to spotify the ways of God to man.

UB40’s ‘Red Red Wine’ was huge, but I prefer their other tracks: ‘White White Wine’, ‘Rosé Rosé Wine’ & ‘Kosher Kiddish Kosher Kiddish Wine’

‘Gucci’ doesn’t sound nearly so suave if you pronounce it ‘Gucky’.

We criticise the abuses of the British Empire, but nobody mentions the evils perpetrated by the Hackney Empire. In many ways it was worse.

You're saying great playwrights have a silent 'p' in front of their names? Pshaw!

I bet Žižek’s ‘Z’s are grateful for those hats, in this hot & sunny weather.

Football fans! I say we take off and get new kit from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

So many thrillers use the ‘ticking bomb’ scenario. Hardly any go with the ‘tocking bomb’. I wonder why that is?

Joan Jett’s songs are good, and all; but, like many covers, they lack the charm of Joan Propellor’s originals.

Apple are planning a new design of President, following the failure of the iSenhower.

I got 99 problems and a Flake is one.

193rd anniversary of Peterloo. A lot of people don’t realise that before that, people called Peter weren’t allowed any kind of toilet at all.

Rod Hull was the emunence gris of hand-puppetry.

Why did Yoda cross the road? The other side to get to -- hmmmmmMMM?

Tom Daley, amazeballs! But putting those perhaps overly tight shorts on one side for a moment, some really excellent diving! #Olympics

I know British athletes have done well these games but I want to know more about this Tim Geebee chap. Apparently he’s won 65 medals! #Olympics

Watching the #Olympics Men's Hockney. A naked man has just splashed into swimming pool with elegant tendrils of spray. 6.0 from the LA judge.

My new Avengers/James Bond movie idea in a nutshell: ‘HULK? SMERSH!’

No takers, it seems, for my Arthur C Clarke-themed SF-BDSM-masterpiece: ‘The Nine Billion Shades of Grey’.

I’ve never run a steeplechase. But I have played steeple-chess. Every time you move your knight you have to jump in a trench of water.

When I hear the phrase ‘he’s a great ambassador for sport’ I always think: you mean he gets drunk a lot & never pays his parking tickets?

Turns out my Achilles tendon has been conducting a passionate affair with my Patroclus tendon! I wondered what those two were getting up to.

I heard the third Hobbit film will include bits from the Thor franchise, plus reheated Euripides. It’ll be called ‘Thor & Bacchae Again’

My risotto-themed superhero movie ‘The Dark Knight Rices’ has been greenlit! Hurrah.

Forcedonia = Macdeonia times acceleration.

1 comment:

nnyhav said...

I believe the ticking bomb is defused by the tocking cure.