To quote the imperishable John Peel: I don't know why I bother.
E O Wilson is an interesting thinker, but his work on farming isn’t as insightful as that of his rival, E I E I O Wilson.
My horse is called Rumplestiltskin. You heard me: I’ve been through the desert on a horse with gnome name.
Samuel Johnson was a great critic; but not as great as his father, Samuel John.
Film idea: Taken That: “I will hunt you down. I will find you. And I will sing a duet with Lulu at you.”
Slogan for my ‘Dragons Den’ product “Alumurphinium”: ‘Foil Again. Foil Better.’
The Nile: starts in the Mountains of the Moon, ends in the Med. Concerning which I can confirm: no man is a Nile end.
Your teeth! Hah -- IN YOUR FACE!
Waiting for a call from the BBC Commissioning Dept about my proposed ‘immigration/former Yugoslavia’ sitcom: Are You Being Serbed? They've already passed on Only Fools And Herzogovenians, Dad’s Armenian and Balkanadder -- but I have high hopes for this one
Just read an article that at one point mentioned 'Fried rich Nietzsche'. Like a sort of philosophical deep-fried Mars Bar.
I like the look of this ‘Rihanna’, but I’m curious as to what Hanna looked like before this reboot.
Coldplay are re-releasing their Kierkegaardian smash, 'Either/Orl Yellow'
A jug for pouring milk? In a hellish future dystopia? JUG DREDD? I AM THE POUR!!
Due to an unfortunate typo, the Titanic musicians actually played ‘Abide With Emu’.
Nobody has signed my petition to have air conditioners renamed ‘Atmospheric Subjunctivizers’. Seriously, not one signature.
The pantomime actor came to the front of the stage & asked: ‘what sort of deer should I be?’ And as one we all replied ‘be a HIND, you!’
There’s no ‘I’ in team. Or in ‘left side of pirate’s face’ either.
My New York all-female philosophical sit-com: “Sex And Haeccity”?
Act is if your action should be universalised as a poem about a cat by a bad Scottish poet. This is the Cat-McGonnagal Imperative.
Here's a photograph of me in a cornfield, hesitating. That's me in the corn. Er ...
Gü’s New Super-Indulgent Penguin-Flavoured Chocolate pudding … The Pingü.
A ‘One Does Not Simply Walk’ twitter gag walks into a bar. In Mordor.
Demonstrative pronoun and participle introducing a restrictive relative clause? That.
Do you smell of mice? Then sing ‘Mice Aroma’ to the famous The Knack tune.
As the plain-clothes policeman said: ‘I’m arresting you in denim of the law.
Is that part a multi-volume dictionary in your pocket, or are you just PLEASED to SEAMY?