Sunday, 8 April 2012


Oh no! My huge Matt Smith-shaped blimp has crashed into a lake of Earl Grey! Oh the ‘Who’-man in tea!

I'm not feminine enough for ‘shenanigans’; I might manage ‘henanigans’.

The ladies appear to have suffered a bout of insanity occasioned by the well-tailored clothes the gentleman is wearing. #EnglishZZTop

When I am Pope I shall finally be able to make puns about rust. With great power comes great rust-pun-ability.

Watching Mission Impossible III. Hard to believe a film about 18th-Century Jesuits in South America could have TWO sequels!

Bertrand Russell was a better philosopher than Aynrand Russell.

I'm in Sainsbury's. My life is beyond exciting. It's Yciting. It's almost Zciting.

That guy standing next to Oisín? He'll stone you. You know what the Bible says: Let him who is with Oisín cast the first stone.

The letters ‘Y’ and ‘E’ are 100ft tall! They're marketing the movie with a vast ‘YE’. #ThePirates

I've spent all day clowning about in imitation of a Welsh seaside resort. APE RHYLL FOOL!

Remember that lovely song "When A Child is Born Population Is Necessarily Limited by the Means of Subsistence"? By Johnny Malthus.

Iron Man always arranged things so that everything below his thighs was in shadow. That’s why they called him “Toe, knees, dark.”

The title of the sequel to James Cameron’s “Avatar“ has just been announced! It’s “Bvatar”.

My neck is so stiff it could form a label and release an Ian Dury and the Blockheads album.

The Mork & Mindy reboot in which Boromir replaces Mindy won't be filmed on Wardour Street after all. One does not simply Mork into Wardour.

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