Gag Magag

Fewer and fewer of these:

The riddle is answered! Turns out the guardians are guarded by a geezer called Christopher. Chris Custodiet Custodes.

Sneezing is a kind of unknotting. That's why people often comment approvingly afterwards: 'gets untied'.

Who will defend ironic theological philosophy? Why the Kierke Guard, of course!

I wrote out a '1' followed by 12 zeros in my best calligraphy; but then disaster struck. My posh trillion has been struck by lightning.

I often hear people say 'such-and-such is truly wonderful.' I never hear '... is falsely wonderful.' This fact puzzles me.

This Rush Limbaugh chap sounds unpleasant. I wonder what his brother, Emerson Lake And Palmer Limbaugh makes of it all.

I don't understand why Colin Dexter doesn't write a Scandinavian-style crime thriller. He could call it ‘Inspector Norse’.

Wagner's ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ is stirring music; but I must say I prefer the funkier, guitar-based ‘Valk This Way’.

Watching ‘Night At The Museum 2’ with the kids & ice-cream. Not so disturbing as ‘Night Porter At The Museum 2’.

Taxitus Driver #ancientfilms

To Ra, to Ra, to Ra #ancientfilms

Alexander the Gray Lady Down #ancientfilms

We Need To Plutarch About Kevin #ancientfilms

Barcelona. That's Hebrew for ‘son of Celona’, you know.

So it looks like Hollywood has rejected my pitch for an all-cartoon Conan movie: CONAN THE HANNA-BARBARIAN.

The pirate mantra: live avast-ye, die young.

The best thing about the ‘Shaft’ films was the iconic theme song: ‘Shaft! ah-ah! Saviour of the universe!’

When Adam delved and Eve span/Who was then in a position to outsource delving and spinning to cheaper overseas suppliers?

Look at those headbanging elephants! Is their state tusk-woe?

Poor old Bert and Ernie -- got scalded, both of them! They're hurt. And burn-y.

As a vet I'll treat large African river mammals, ravens and blood-sucking insects -- but nothing else. My Hippo-Crow-Tick oath binds me.

And, in conclusion: my single finest tweet gag:

‘To bring all the boys to the yard, or not/To bring all the boys to the yard. That is the question.’ William Milk-Shakespeare.